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 Dealing With my “Momtality” by Debbie Strayer To everything, there is a season and a time for everything under the sun. Ecclesiastes 3:1 You would think there would be a guide out there to help moms gracefully and gradually transition from the hectic, yet delightful life of a home schooling mom to the next phase of life – being the mother of young adults. There seem to be books to give you guidance for almost everything else these days. Fix your car. Fix your computer. Decorate your house. Train your pet. Still I find myself standing in front of shelves at bookstores searching fruitlessly. The fact that I get a wonderful decaf mocha cappuccino whether I find a book or not does ease my pain a bit, but I remain unguided, unassisted and worst of all, un-encouraged. Am I on the right track? What do other mothers think and feel? Is it possible for me to single handedly drive my children and my husband crazy with my struggles? Don’t get me wrong. Life as a home schooling family wasn’t always perfect. On occasion, my children could be more thoughtful, more expressive or more mature; but at its heart, the job of being a home schooling mom was a real delight to me. My children and husband are all happily moving on with their lives. I am the one who is somewhat adrift and uncertain. The whole family tries to help. My husband of 28 years is kind and understanding. My children remember important occasions with sweet gifts and cards. They compliment me and make almost daily connections by phone or in person. I ask myself why can’t I move on? Why aren’t I happy to finish a phase of my life that required so much of me and move on to easier times? As I ask myself these questions, the answers start to dawn. I am having trouble moving on because being a mom brings me such happiness and fulfillment. It is the calling in life that I have felt most successful at, and it was the role that seemed the most natural. Let me be clear. I love my husband. He is God’s gift to me. He is my life partner, my soul mate. We are one in Christ and in the goals and purposes of our life and ministry. Being a wife has been a joy and blessing, so don’t feel that I don’t appreciate this role. I must also admit that I always felt that there were ways I struggled as a wife. Life seemed to confirm that I was not very skilled in the kitchen, not a great housekeeper, and sometimes a managerial challenge for my husband to direct financially. My insecurities were exposed in such a close relationship. The longer we were married however, the more I grew comfortable with the role that God had given me as a wife. Then a baby came along. Though scary at first, it became clear to me quickly, that this was a task for which I had boundless energy, excitement and seeming skill. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for my children if they needed it. Finally, I felt complete. As an educator, I had always been comfortable around children, but I had never known how amazing and complete the connection could be with another human being. These darlings were on loan to me from the Lord, and I surely did not want to let Him down. While I’ve never been great at taking care of other adults, or even myself, taking care of kids seemed to be grace filled. My husband delighted in my devotion to the children and I was able to rejoice in my role as wife in a new way, and with a new confidence. His support and encouragement of the call to home schooling drew us closer and deepened our partnership and my appreciation for his spiritual covering and authority in our lives. When home schooling came along, I knew I had found part of the reason I was created. I had joined a band of mothers and fathers whose connection transcends the bonds of even wonderful Christian fellowship. Now I was a part of a group that shared my faith and my deep commitment to raising my children. I was able to know and enjoy my children in such a deep and personal way that other relationships paled in comparison. Was it more work? Yes, but labor that was well worth it. I remember telling myself to enjoy the days when the children were young, because I knew they would be fleeting. And they have been. Now I stand at a crossroad. I want to take the same energy and drive that energized me as a young mom (or at least all I can handle now!) and be the best mom of young adults. I used to read constantly to learn about earaches, vitamins, potty training and everything else related to child development. I now turn my energy to keeping up with their financial affairs, getting to know potential mates and digging into the spiritual issues my children want to discuss. I must say that I still enjoy a good load of laundry to wash for them as well, but I need to learn how to walk the path of this season in my life. I still desire to be the woman that God can use to strengthen and encourage them. I do not want to be taken out of the game by sadness or self-pity, so I must be vigilant. As alert as I was for a disobedient attititude when they were little is how alert I need to be now for the wiles of the enemy. To reflect, my role as a mom is not over, it is merely maturing. There is still much to be done for my children. Support, especially spiritually and emotionally, is crucial for them as they make important decisions for their lives. I must trust the training, prayer and love they have received. As my son once put it, “Don’t worry, Mom. You did a great job.” So on we go. God’s grace will be there for me, as it has been during the past seasons of my life, because that is the only way I can continue. Keep those mothers in prayer who are stepping back from the daily life of home schooling. Though life may be changing for them, they can be a great source of wisdom and encouragement. Learn from their struggles and successes. Be encouraged to follow the path that the Lord has laid out for your family. What God has imparted to my children will now go on and continue to accomplish His will. I have given our home schooling years to the Lord. I will have the opportunity to rejoice in all He does with my children and to remind all those who are coming along behind me that God is faithful, no matter where you are in the journey of motherhood. Pursue your calling with passion and devotion and know that there will be fruit from your obedience that will touch the lives of others. Debbie Strayer is an author and speaker and has been an educator for 30 years. The mother of two home school graduates, she and Greg, her husband of 28 years, live in Tampa where she delights in encouraging home schoolers. Visit her online at debbiestrayer.com. Email address debbie@debbiestrayer.com |
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